Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
