Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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