Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize