I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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