I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
