Dual....:-)
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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