hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
