ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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