I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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