Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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