farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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