WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
