I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
