Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
