Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
