In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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