Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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