I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
