I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
