Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
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we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
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Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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