Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
