Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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