There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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