Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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