Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
