glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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