We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
