she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza