What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.