i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.