Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.