I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night