My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
True college students do jello shots in the library
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
