No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
