I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
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The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
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My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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