ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
