I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.