I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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