fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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