Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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