she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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