please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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