Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
