Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize