The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
smell my finger.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
