Tell her she can't have a vagina
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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