If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
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laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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