Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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