My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
