you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
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I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm really busy with my period
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