i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
