just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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