If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
