Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
