chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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