yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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