Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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