Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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