If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
