Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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