32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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