I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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