Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
