well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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