We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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