is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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